There is no readily available data from the US State Department as to the number of Africans who join their spouse, fiancé or fiancée in the
The immigration process can be trying, and costs lots of money, resourcefulness and perseverance! But why do African men go through this tortuous immigration process? Why do African men go home to marry instead of marrying the women they’ve wined and dined and romanced right here in the
In spite of their advantages and pluses, the vast majority of these women are very likely to lose their boyfriends to women back home. But really, why do African men go home to marry the “unknowns” instead of marrying the proven and the reliable here in the
Well, granted, a thousand men have a thousand different reasons for going home to marry, there are common threads as to why they do what they do: (1) because they can; (2) most men are under the illusion that the women they knew back home are innocent, un-spoilt and virgins; (3) it could be an ego-boosting exercise; (4) it allows some men to mask their failures and shortcomings since the women who are already in the US can tell where they are on the social and economic ladder. And then there those who will tell you African girls in the
I am reminded of a friend in
When it is all said and done, the African male is perplexing. He can be enigmatic. He can be everything and sometimes, nothing. He can be sweet and loving and caring and benevolent and at the same time oppressive. His life is full of contradictions. In so many ways, he is a wounded animal as a result of his historical past. Once, he was the primary breadwinner, head of the household, the man who moved mountains and parted the heavens for rains.
The modern times have not been exactly good to him because of the multiplying effects of globalization and modernity. Even though the outside world is depriving him of his manhood, he has found a way to make part of his world and home his playground. In this playground, he is the sole captain. His words and wishes are law. Globalization and modernity may be creeping in on and chipping away at his manhood, but he has found a way to protect his playground, by marrying a 'greenhorn.'
But you see life has a way of getting back at us. Sooner or later, Karma will come to play. Life is dynamic. Ever changing. Never static. Therefore, yesterday’s greenhorns will become the “ever-present and ever-knowing” of tomorrow. The innocents will lose the mist in their eyes and become like all the women that came before them. Though the preceding assertion is not empirically grounded, one can not but notice that “greenhorn marriages” dissolve quicker -- mostly within five years with or without offspring.
More often than not, most of these marriages are not based on love or affection. Most are not even like the marriages of yester-years: a contract and a union between two families. On the part of the greenhorns, it is mostly about the need to escape the prevailing abject poverty and hopelessness that has engulfed most African countries. Most of these women wanted a way out of the misery in
In
As for the men who go in search of these women, well, their mindset has been discussed. What needs to be added is the fact that most are never happy because they got what they never bargained for: stunned, disappointed and underachieving wives who never knew about 40-60-hour work week; women who never knew there are no dollar minting factories down the street, that America is not what they saw in the movies and magazines, that America is not a world of instant riches and glamour. You toil and toil and toil!
The unfamiliar can be mind-sapping, you know. These women see ghosts and dream of “bad-bad-bad-things.” Depression and identity crisis then sets in. Those who can’t cope then leave their husbands and marriage and try to go it alone believing their lots would be better without the “extra baggage.” Big mistake, for most!
As for the men, well, some will plead with, cajole or trick their wives into going into the nursing or CNA profession assuming the women were not already back home. The nursing profession, they believe, is a sure avenue for making money and living the good life. Be it in Houston, Seattle, Dallas,
They are everywhere working mostly the night and graveyard shifts, toiling day and night and away from their husbands and children just to make ends meet. With no time to smell the roses or to wonder at the beauties that surround them, they become strangers in the world they live in.
It is a shame the way some African men in this country have treated and continue to treat some of our women. It is truly a shame!
Sabella Abidde, a PhD Candidate & SYLFF Fellow, is with Howard University Washington DC. He can be reached at: [email protected]