Our Kenyan neighbours are edging closer to their general elections. All those wanting to become president are using whatever means to convince voters that they are the ones cut out for a job. Some have gone far than one would expect. Who would want to revive the culture of political holocausts that almost reeled Kenya to breakage and failure?

Though I’m not a psychic or a pollster, I can easily foretell who’ll do another between the voters and those competing for glory, goodies and yum-yum power offers.  To win fair and square, make sure you do the following:

First, tell voters about Shangri-La and the hunk of milk and honey and other lies. They’ll swallow them hook, line, and sinker.  As you make your debut, promise their kids some gadgets such as laptops even real computers; you’ll get away with murder; and it’ll make your voters’ arch favori.

Second, make zillions of promises that you won’t fulfill. Make sure you freely though cautiously hobnob with your voters. Before this season of lies, you’re on the heavy side. But this time, make your voters believe that they are equal while they actually aren’t. Impromptu love must kick in so sturdily that it equates you though temporarily in this casino-culture-like season.

Thirdly, make sure that your oil guzzler becomes a village Matatu. This is known as the doctrine of temporal sonkorisation to mean offering the services paupers have never had freely, but covertly expecting something from them. Those you used to feed dust when you rolled on by, now have all rights to enjoy your expensive toy. Those whose kids were expelled from school for their inability to pay school fees or hospital bills are good baits to use in the search for votes. This is the right time to attend mass every Sunday and make generous donations. If you want those votes, there’s a price to pay. Foot the bill; simple. Make them feel good about you. Pontificate it so that every voter hears about your newfound generosity and love for your people.

Fourth, make them believe you’re cut out for the job. Show them that you’re academically healthy. In your flipflops, make sure you don’t flop or flub your mission. Show the voters that your competitors are not worthy: voting for them is wasting their votes and voting for you is securing their future. Essentially, this is the wattle and daub of this trade known as politricks in which the winner must put the foes through the wringer.

Fifth, guess what? Expect the unexpected in this game of deceit. Sometimes, things turn out differently from the way they’re envisaged. Again, whether you lose or win, make sure you live up to your promises as the preparations for the next elections.

There is no need to put a country in war mood by fabricating things. There is no need of making farfetched allegations that involve serious matters such as homicide. As the late Prof. George Saitoti, former vice president, once succinctly put it, “there comes a time when the nation is more important than an individual…but one day I will be proved right.”

Kenyan contenders for presidency, see to it that Kenya is more important than personal gains. All wars and wrangles for presidency need to cease forthwith.

By Nkwazi Mhango

nkwazigatsha@yahoo.com