Gender Battles and Etiquette

Published on 28th November 2017

In recent days, the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) has been running a campaign profiling women said to have been victims of sexual abuse. Hash tag #Me too seems the in-thing. So big are the words “Sexual abuse” that one may quickly relate the whole thing to rape or defilement. Women are simply saying that they do not want unwarranted sexual approaches by men.  

The battle between women and men is none that will likely end anytime soon. While I definitely understand the need for women to stand up against indecent sexual approaches by men, I am worried that unless we define what “indecency” amounts to, we could end up completely distorting God’s rhythm of creation. 

I have been to organizations that enroll interns. Presumably interns are younger rosy girls, some soon after their adolescence. They may even be mature enough. In most cases, the boys (and men) in the offices quickly get excited, and each one wants to win the intern’s attention. Blame them not. They are only being men. They will want to take turns to house the intern over lunch or coffee, some stealthily, but thus far, for me this is normal human reaction. Others will be sending text messages far removed from official communication, and they will buy unwarranted gifts and so on. All women get to meet these behaviors from men, which in my view is normal in as much as it may not be warranted. Amidst all this melee, some women have found true love. Very sorry for those that feel offended to the extent of leaving their jobs. Everyone will consciously know when someone is overstepping the limits, and at this point is when an alarm may be raised. Otherwise if we were to criminalize every approach on a woman by a man, surely many of us would be written off the face of the earth. I say many of us because I am personally not an angel in as far as relations with women are concerned.

I sat with a female doctor recently and put these concerns to her. I was quite concerned that women are almost beginning to demonize men, yet despite all the hullaballoo, these issues have transcended mankind from the beginning of time. Well, the doctor explained to me just how these things play our biologically thus: Women are said to have higher levels of the sex hormones Estrogen, Progesterone and Testosterone in comparison to men. What this does, is that it makes women extremely sexually sensitive compared to men. It is for this matter that a man should never consciously touch any part of a woman’s body unless the two are married or in a love relationship. Any unwarranted approach may lead to undesirable results, which may include a woman getting violent in case she’s not interested in the approach. Thus far, men must approach women with extreme caution, sure to have won the woman’s approval before making any advance of whatever nature-but that said, there’s need to understand men too. 

I was curious to find out what happens in the reverse scenario. A scenario where it is the woman sexually approaching a man. How many men would complain???  While women may be untouchable; men on the other hand are perpetually the more vulnerable before women, so much so that even when a woman sexually abuses a man, the man will most likely be the one to blame. And I dare say, that women have a Million and one discreet tactics to abuse men without even uttering a single word-implying that it is very complicated to implicate a woman in a sexual related offence. Even in marriage where some people have suggested the notion of “marital rape”, the offence silently but strongly faults men. 

As a result of some of these disturbances in the normal flow of human emotional behavior, we are seeing more women today failing to find men to marry them. Some are traumatized by previous experiences, while others have just developed negative attitude towards men.  

I sometimes visit children’s remand homes and I am shocked to find majority of the little boys kept behind bars, for sexually approaching so and so’s daughter. Let us spend much time helping our children to understand our biological distinctions, and why we behave the way we do. In our Primary school we had so called Senior women giving lessons to girls, but the boys (future men) were given no attention. Instead they were given strokes of the cane each time a girl reported to the teacher even for receiving a mere love letter! This only caused animosity between boys and girls and some girls practically feared boys based on the warnings planted in their minds, rather than learning to peacefully co-exist with them. Some parents have even built raised fences and procured dogs apparently to guard their daughters from boys. Seriously!!! 

I have also seen serious marriages breaking over trivialities. If your husband seems to be very attracted to ladies, remember the equation (1: 100)-It does NOT mean he doesn’t love you. Also if a man buys a gift for Joyce, Lovelyn, Mercy and Faith, do not demonize him as a womanizer just as yet-that’s the nature of men. 

Of course these are my thoughts, but you may also have your perspective. My prayer is for us to handle these issues in sincerity, and avoid creating excessive negative excitement on an issue so pertinent to the very existence of humanity. 

By Tumusiime Deo

Independent Writer/International Communications Consultant

[email protected]

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